I didn't consider myself a newbie from Christianity, I had been in it for quite some time. I endeavored to "Renew my Mind" according to Romans 12. like put on New Mind according to God's Word, because you are a New creation in Christ, old things have past away, all things have become NEW. What psychological term can be used here? sounds like 'I see" nothing, I know nothing, I am clean. I also Spoke in tongues , but the tongue was strangely familiar to what my brother and I used to do, or at least I did, while swinging on our swingset. I was intrigued with the day of pentecost where the 12 apostles heard a rushing mighty wind, I've heard it said this was a heavy breathing, 12 guys, heavy breathing, imagine in the Mormon tabernacle, gay men? could that sound like a rushing mighty wind? you decide.....
I know that I am NOT possessed to do this, I am fully under my control at all times, some said that they were drunk, no these people were not drunk. For I have been a very few times very drunk, and you can be out of control. So with this speaking in tongues, I know when I am going to speak in a tongues as the spirit gives the utterance, I by my will, will to do so.I am not possessed to do this by another power. An I have thought long, the spirit gives the utterance? which spirit could this be? An evil one will TAKE your freedom of will away, out of control. YOU have to be "in control" This is the only thing about Christianity that still sticks and makes me think, what is this? I had heard at that time was that water is thicker then blood, like spirit is to flesh. flesh being blood. As hard as I tried to be in unity and fellowship with my "christian" brothers and sisters, I found and I sensed a wedge between us. Did I do something wrong, you didn't like? I search within myself incessantly for the answer to this and could find little that would warrant this division, I never really truely felt free and at ease when with other "believers" and to this day I cannot make contact with them. This is funny, for spirit is thicker then blood would they forgive? for doing nothing wrong, maybe I believe different, is this a crime, I have done no one harm, that I am aware. I feel like John Candy in the movie, "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles" I tend to find someone I really like and I smother the poor bastard, this is what Candy said, I smother the poor bastard. What am I speaking another language, one many cannot hear? many do not live their creed. Being around the the LGBT community, I find it different. Especially at first in Indiana, where I felt safer being outside the gay bar with black men coming to the car showing me their "thing" while I was there dressed in "drag" Safer from all the world, a paradox? the only thing was with ME, I was AFRAID to go inside. What a community for the most part. That I could feel safer within the LGBT commununity then I ever did in fundamentalist christianity and church. Of course there is always a time in any relationship to learn a mutual trust, But in the Latter it never truly came. Sorry, to say, how could it come? You see in christianity, you do not speak of the things of the past, your present is Christ and only Christ and you continually put on what you know is Christ from the Bible. Squelching out your past or just YOU specifically, really only repressing YOU and your urges, so when you quit repression the urges come back, why don't you say to yourself, "Self, you can do anything you want, but all is not what you want to do and that that you don't want to do is what breaks the Golden Rule, so you have to choose those things which are according to the Golden Rule, [Do to others as you would want them to do to you]. You don't want theft then you don't steal. Think about it....And that is it, Love others as you would want them to love YOU.. It takes the weight off of YOU doing the
DOING. of it causing repression of your urges. If one is going to come OUT, come OUT of course only when YOU are ready, and some are long overdue.....
I know that I am NOT possessed to do this, I am fully under my control at all times, some said that they were drunk, no these people were not drunk. For I have been a very few times very drunk, and you can be out of control. So with this speaking in tongues, I know when I am going to speak in a tongues as the spirit gives the utterance, I by my will, will to do so.I am not possessed to do this by another power. An I have thought long, the spirit gives the utterance? which spirit could this be? An evil one will TAKE your freedom of will away, out of control. YOU have to be "in control" This is the only thing about Christianity that still sticks and makes me think, what is this? I had heard at that time was that water is thicker then blood, like spirit is to flesh. flesh being blood. As hard as I tried to be in unity and fellowship with my "christian" brothers and sisters, I found and I sensed a wedge between us. Did I do something wrong, you didn't like? I search within myself incessantly for the answer to this and could find little that would warrant this division, I never really truely felt free and at ease when with other "believers" and to this day I cannot make contact with them. This is funny, for spirit is thicker then blood would they forgive? for doing nothing wrong, maybe I believe different, is this a crime, I have done no one harm, that I am aware. I feel like John Candy in the movie, "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles" I tend to find someone I really like and I smother the poor bastard, this is what Candy said, I smother the poor bastard. What am I speaking another language, one many cannot hear? many do not live their creed. Being around the the LGBT community, I find it different. Especially at first in Indiana, where I felt safer being outside the gay bar with black men coming to the car showing me their "thing" while I was there dressed in "drag" Safer from all the world, a paradox? the only thing was with ME, I was AFRAID to go inside. What a community for the most part. That I could feel safer within the LGBT commununity then I ever did in fundamentalist christianity and church. Of course there is always a time in any relationship to learn a mutual trust, But in the Latter it never truly came. Sorry, to say, how could it come? You see in christianity, you do not speak of the things of the past, your present is Christ and only Christ and you continually put on what you know is Christ from the Bible. Squelching out your past or just YOU specifically, really only repressing YOU and your urges, so when you quit repression the urges come back, why don't you say to yourself, "Self, you can do anything you want, but all is not what you want to do and that that you don't want to do is what breaks the Golden Rule, so you have to choose those things which are according to the Golden Rule, [Do to others as you would want them to do to you]. You don't want theft then you don't steal. Think about it....And that is it, Love others as you would want them to love YOU.. It takes the weight off of YOU doing the
DOING. of it causing repression of your urges. If one is going to come OUT, come OUT of course only when YOU are ready, and some are long overdue.....
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