Why not crossdress ?

I'm thinking about how, when I first got back, I would go to a support group in New Haven and then afterwards I usually tried to go out to a gay bar. Which is always fun, better then any other bar in the world., the non-judgemental atmosphere, is truly refreshing, and I'll bet especially after 20+ years in a christian fundamentalist group, because I was there or on the periphery of it. It's a f***ing addiction, like anything else, and withdrawals like, what the f*** am I going to do now, not that I am weaning myself of this addiction, but cold turkey, about 11 years now,and quiting it along with cigarrettes, too, and it seems as though no one else knows what your going through, Of course not all of it is, there are things that can be beneficial. So, separating the bad from the not so bad, to the outright bad. Why do knowing  christians shun you, if you choose to believe different? I thought I was told that spirit was thicker then blood, and a friend is one who sticks closer then a brother.Is it that the christian is tought to believe the certainty of the uncertain, which is faith,not even that there is a historical basis for their belief. We may have been taught the christian walk is like walking on water, who can walk on water? literally.No one!!! not even Jesus. So quite possibly this can be called a figure of speech, for it speaks of something which is impossible, literally, to be carry out. Could it be actually talking about what life is like, you are only allowed to live in the present, alhtough the past may tend to encroach on your present from time to time, especially if at 62 years old you find yourself living with and shopping for your parents, driving your parents from appointment to  appointment when necessary. Living in the same house you grew up in and escaped from at 18, to go in the service. Now you are back, for 11 years now,  and some may say returned to the prision that we thought we had escaped from. How do we maintain our life, apart from our parents, so that we can maintain our sense of self intact. We have two generations here, one from the 1920-40's and the other one from the 50's - 70's . See, this is the general spread on how we learn to think. I'm taught by this generation their values, or not taught. So I grow up, I leave and my greatest influence after the initial shock of the formative 1950's is the 1970's, I believe this was a great decade. the rock music, even the drugs, of course not if you choose heroin or something like ,  that sucks, but, I say the Pot was good. So, then I say the 80's come and with it Ronald Reagan, psst, I thought we got rid of him in California, and along come a sweeping sucking into the Bible maybe, it seemed to be everywhere, and some may luckily have eluded it. and now after spending 20 years trying to make heads or tails out of the Bible, you find yourself sunk. Aaaaah !!! what now? Have you ever heard of the lecture series the "Massey Triad" ? This generations quandary is explained very well out of the "Massey Triiad" Massey  does teach how to recognize it, and how it comes about. People of the 20's-40's raise kids in the 50's " the' leave to beaver" generation, that then will raise kids in maybe the 70's or 80's and so forth. Now our beavers were taught by people who lived through the great depression, and WW2, when after they returned from WW2 then returned to jobs, it maybe a factory manufacturing job or something higher, it was a job, none the less, so then many of us who's father worked in a factory, were urged to get an education, at least high school, or go in the service, so we could get a "white collar' job, what ever that could be, otherwise we were told to get  the "pick and shovel" out .Just a little synopsis of how this thing may have come about. So now I am home back living with those folks who raised me according to the WW2 generation standards within the framework like " leave it to beaver" but, I didn't stay with the "leave it to beavers" I went out and learned more on my own and endeavored to live it, and now I am back and sometimes it seems the Past and Present are very closely alligned...How to have a life of your own  without having the past thoughts keep coming up on you and engulfing you, coming up next in our exciting series.....